Car seat safety: you're missing the point

Ever notice that when I'm pregnant I have lots of long posts about people who annoy me?  Well, brace yourselves, because LOTS of people have been annoying me this week.

This one is about other parents.  I've overheard so many times conversations between moms about brands of car seats, why it's so important to buy so-and-so brand, and why you should leave your kid rear-facing until they're like, 8.  And I always hear interjected into the conversation at some point the phrase, "Well, I just want my child to be SAFE. "  And part of me wants to go over there and say, "Yeah, I just bought a Graco because I want my kids to die."

And I think that sometimes people don't understand everything that goes into keeping your kid safe.  Take the whole brand issue, for example.  First of all I would like to point out that they cannot sell unsafe baby gear in America.  It is against the law.  And expensive models get recalled just as often as the cheaper ones do. I've had some experiences with different brands.  A few times I had to fit a giant Britax car seat next to Violet's and it was so big that I had to slam my car door shut just to get it to fit (I have a pretty tiny car for two car seats). Yes, that is a highly regarded brand and a very safe seat, but is there anything safe about almost cracking the plastic every time you shut the door because it won't fit in your car?  My parents also have a different brand of car seat that I use for my kids when we go places together.  I have always really liked the one they have-- it's comfortable and easy to use-- and probably more expensive than the one I have in my car.  But before Violet was even 2, she figured out how to undo the top buckle in that car seat and would unstrap herself in the middle of the highway.  Unsafe.

So instead of researching the crash test ratings, I buy my car seats based on size, and whether my kids can undo the buckles, and whether the crotch strap is long enough that I don't feel like a child molester every time I buckle them up (priorities, you know).  I guess that means I just want them to die.

And then there's the argument about keeping toddlers rear-facing for as long as possible.  I don't mind that people do this, but I do mind that they get really high and mighty about it.  Yes, rear-facing car seats are safer in front-end collisions.  But, if Newton's laws of motion have anything to do with this, it shouldn't make a difference in a side impact, and they should be even worse if you get rear-ended. State law says that they need to be in a rear-facing seat until at least their first birthday, and I definitely follow that.    But I want to explain how it was having Violet in a rear-facing car seat.  She screamed a lot.  It was incredibly distracting. I would get road rage and blindly swat at the back seat to try and console her or find her pacifier/sippy cup/whatever.  When I switched her to front-facing, it was magical.  She could see where we were going and almost never cried.  So, what I say to people who lecture me on how unsafe it is to have a front-facing toddler is this: it's a heck of a lot safer than having a rear-facing driver. 

Relax, parents.  The safest car seat is the one that is installed correctly and used every single time.  And that doesn't make you drive off a bridge in a fit of rage.